Ahh! I…Oh… I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I’m standing here right now. I should not be here. Meryl, Meryl, come up here. This award belongs to you. Every award belongs to you. It is because of you, a girl like me knows what acting should look like. May we all strive to be a fraction of you Meryl.

I would like to thank God above for his wonder. I’m still in shock!

I have to thank my director, Marty Scorsesse. You discovered this midwest girl and brought her to hollywood. It is because of you I have met the two important men in my life – Oscar and my husband/costar Leonardo DiCaprio. Baby, you are my it! Thank you for your inspired performance in this movie. You brought out my best performance on this film and in my life.

I want to thank my parents for everything. For letting me be in Wizard of Oz in second grade and then letting me watch the movie every single day for a year after that. They put up with my dramatic nature and gave me constant support and love. Hi Brody and Josie. Aunt Best loves you.

[Insert some culture reference and make a political statement… maybe some tears]

God bless!